Vader, Lord Darth

Experience

• Commander-in-Chief (Imperial Armed Forces)

  • Exercised direct, total, absolute, irrevocable, and unequivocal command of the Imperial Navy, Army, Marines, and Merchant Marines, comprising over seventeen trillion Imperial military personnel, fifty trillion droid personnel, and an estimated google of civilian adjuncts
  • Honorary President of Imperial Military Academy of Carida
  • De Facto Heir to Imperial Throne
  • Official hot chocolate-maker to His Imperial Majesty the Emperor

• Personal Assistant (Office of the Galactic Emperor)

  • Personally filled His Imperial Majesty's hot chocolate mug at least fifty times per week
  • Assumed progressive responsibility for approximately 35% of all Imperial governing decisions, including but not limited to military operations, intelligence agencies, selective elimination of inconvenient persons, environmental disasters, charitable donations, and office supply acquisition for fourteen bureaucratic ministries

• General Manager (Imperial Jedi Extermination Services)

  • Coordinated and executed the elimination of 10,000+ enemies of the state over the course of two years
  • Reduced operating costs by 62% through creative cost-cutting measures such as mass executions and use of energy-efficient weaponry

• Master (Jedi Order)

  • Learned to work with young people to the best of their admittedly limited ability.
  • Capably dealt with difficult situations such as temper tantrums, teamwork on battlefields, insubordination, "women's issues", etc, etc.

• General (Grand Army of the Republic)

  • Commanded crack infantry and starfighter squadrons in a variety of combat situations against extreme odds
  • Trained Jedi Padawans in the GAR Accelerated Officer Training Program
  • Won several dozen critical engagements. What.

• Tea Production Manager (Grand Army of the Republic)

  • Personally filled Obi-Wan Kenobi's teacup up to thirty-one times per standard day
  • Mastered art of brewing sixty-four varieties of tea efficiently while under fire and orbital bombardment

• Intern (Office of Senator Padmé Amidala)

  • Studied galactic-level political figures on a highly intimate level
  • Enjoyed extensive personal involvement in Senator Amidala's work
  • Capably and creatively met Senator Amidala's miscellaneous needs

• Shaak Traffic Controller (Naboo Ministry of Nature Preservation)

  • Directed and re-directed large herds of shaak in accordance with the directives of senior Nubian government officials, at great personal risk

• Caf Acquisition Officer (Jedi Council)

  • Personally filled Mace Windu's caf mug up to twelve times per day
  • Developed mental agility in order to remember twelve separate caf orders while running down fifty-two flights of stairs to Temple Cafeteria

• Loss-Prevention Officer (Watto's General Merchandise, Inc.)

  • Processed unusual financial transactions
  • Defended merchandise against potential theft on a daily basis
  • Improved knowledge of useful professional skills (gambling, embezzlement, fraud, et al.)

• Pod Engine Scrubber (Watto's General Merchandise, Inc.)

  • Worked independently to achieve daily quota of repaired engine parts
  • Provided flexible support to other departments of store as needed

Licenses and certifications

1. Heavy Weapons Operator License; issued by Imperial Ministry of Licenses: Ordnance, Objects of Non-neutral Intent and Improvised Explosives (IML-OONIIE)
2. Unconventional Weapons License – Lightsaber; issued by Imperial Ministry of Non-neutral Objects – Jewel-base Energy Dependent Implements (IMNO-JEDI)
3. Concealed-Carry License – blaster, pocket knife; issued by Imperial Ministry of Light Offensive and Defensive Devices (IM-LODeD)
4. Certified Droid Repairman, issued by the Reformed Organization of Biomimetic Operating Technologies: Droid Outfitting, Repairs, Calibrations, and Salvage (ROBOT-DORCS)
5. Astronavigation, Grade IV Space Pilot (Small, Mid, and Large Spacecraft), and Hyperdrive Operation Certifications, issued by Imperial Ministry of Flight Licensing (IMFLi)
6. Combat Medic, Paramedic, and Paranormal Medic Certifications; issued by Galactic Republic Advanced Medical Practice Association (GRAMPA), confirmed by Imperial Ministry of Associated Doctors, Orthopedists, Clinical Technicians, Otolaryngologists, and Receptionists (IM-ADOCTOR)
7. Podracer Piloting License; issued by Jabba the Hutt
8. Master-grade Interrogator Certificate; issued by Imperial Ministry of Efficient and Violent Interrogation for Libertarians (IM-EVIL)